Slip Up

What a nightmare, so many slip ups, the first one happening early in morning as I farewelled my fly in fly out husband Larry who worked thousands of miles away in the Pilbara mines, West Australia  or as they are known in Australia a Fifo worker. It was meant as a surprise as I whispered, “see you at the airport on you return my darling”.  Thankfully he was too busy making sure he had all his gear packed, so he did not pay too much attention to  me ‘prattling’ on as he called it. As I folded his socks and undies and gave his work shirt one last tweak with the steam iron. I received a curt ‘stop fussing woman’ a brush of our cheeks with pat on my shoulder and off he went for another four weeks living away from our home in Perth.  Each time I always felt lonely as he drove away however this time it seemed like I was a curtesy in his life.

 My past life as a journo I had put aside so he was my main focus, it was what he had wanted when we married, a nice home, an intelligent partner, someone to keep the home fires burning. He had declared his dislike of children as “another unnecessary complication” early in our relationship. I agreed, deep down hoping he would change his mind. I was  young and madly in love with this handsome man a few years older than myself  ‘Who needs rowdy kids when we have each other’ was his favourite quip, whenever he saw me look enviously at my family that was blossoming with babies.                                     

We had been living as a Fifo couple for many years now, yet I still missed him every time he flew out. It had troubled me at first, housework, and the weekly coffee with a friend, my life become had become edged with grey.  I felt without his nightly phone calls I would shrivel up and no one would care. I became very dependent on his approval of all I did, and I was not comfortable in the role as a co-dependent, so I sought  professional counselling until Larry had pointed out the cost of each session, hesitantly I agreed it was a lot of money.  I  found online and joined a Fifo wives’ group, meeting once a month for a coffee catchup or a little advice.  As one of the older women in this group it was often me, they turned to. I was out of my depth as their young eyes search my face for their own answers. 

However this story really begins two months ago when at a work gathering, I had had a conversation with Mike the manager of the mine site, he had mentioned it would soon be Smurfs sixtieth birthday, they all had given the team on this drill rig nick names and Larry’s was Smurf. Why? I have no idea; I was not privy to this world of a tight men’s club that worked ate and drank together 24/7 for four weeks.

Then for ten days Larry would fly back into my life, and we would pick up the pieces of what we were trying to achieve, a life with no mortgage and a caravan to tour around in when we retired. Yes, the big paycheck was the draw card, it was excellent wages, a decent size nest egg was finally attainable.   

To celebrate his birthday I had planned a surprise holiday in Bali, to do this with out making him aware or asking why money was missing out of our bank account, I had involved Mike. It was all going well, the tickets and accommodation, had been booked through the firm so nothing showed up on any paperwork that Larry might come across. I was going to meet Larry at the domestic airport on his next shift home from there it was a short walk to the international lounge. Yet here in the early dawn close to blabbing it for all the world to hear, I wanted to grab the words and stuff them back in my mouth, thankfully  Larry was too busy to really listen.

I had poured over travel pamphlets , read up and researched till  I choose the Bumi Ayu bungalows in Sanur, this I was also told was an artist’s haven with plenty do so and see every day. Eight days in an exotic holiday resort, our own private sauna, large pools of warm turquoise water glowed seductively in the brochure, restaurants and bars abounded to delight every palette.  I was so excited and a little hopeful this would spice up or marriage as well, I could picture it now, our bodies on twin massage tables in a soft candlelight. A beautiful dinner holding hands while a gorgeous sunset  took place. Maybe Larry would enjoy a sunset cruise, I had so many adventures planned.  I was so happy as I signed off on the flights, all arrangements were now in place, the following four weeks literally crawled by.

I had booked a taxi to the domestic airport, collected out boarding pass’s , put both our bags through, and as the trundled away into the cavers of the airport I had the ridiculous feeling I wanted to wave good by to them.

All we had to do was board the plane and begin what I named our second honeymoon. I watched as his flight landed, I watched as Larry walked through to the domestic lounge, my face muscles aching with the biggest smile, my heart so happy to see him. Larry was  laughing and chatting with his crew, he looked up when I called out, I knew that look, one of annoyance, then it changed to shock, it went through my mind oops slip up number two? Maybe I should have told him of my plans, how silly of me Larry hated surprises.

His crew scattered to meet and greet their own families, it was lovely to see such affection, from wives and their families, most of whom I knew. All  except for one a young lady who had stopped beside Larry, looking adoringly into his eyes, if I did not know better it looked,  they were going to embrace. Larry said something to her, softly touched her cheek, I saw her eyes close wanting to embrace. Larry literally stalked over to where I was standing “what do you think your doing? Coming to the airport to pick me up, what wrong with you?  The young co-worker with her eyes full of love had scuttled off some where else, it did not take me long to recognise guilt, it was written all over Larry’s face.

I had no words, my smile now replaced by tears that welled up, I quickly turned and almost ran to international flights lobby.  Larry trying to catch me “what the hell is going on, he yelled”. The doors to the international lobby swished open, my shaking hands showing  the hostess my passport and plane ticket. Larry was so close he was almost able to grab me, he was refused entry as with no passport he could not enter, he was asked to “leave please sir”  I heard him calling my name. Finding the departure gate where I would board, settling myself with a hot tea my hands shook,  my mind trying to sort it out, I had been humiliated in front of twenty men and their wives, Why did his boss Mike not warn me, he must have known, everyone knew everyone else in the mining world, had I missed any sort of signs? Larry had always been grumpy, easy to anger and always had an opinion whether it be helpful or not, they had once rung me to see if I could sort him out as he was very voluble at every toolbox meeting, they had. Thinking back, he had been very cagey recently when I questioned him about his lack of interest in the bedroom. I had put it down to him being sixty and over it?  I had asked my doctors’ advice he said to make an appointment, Larry hit the roof “ I’m not going to any quack, for instructions on how to  make love”  for many days on that particular visit home I had walked on eggshells.  Larry’s opinions of what stress van do to a body and relationship was constant. Good lord, his loud opinion gave me a migraine, which he also had an opinion on.

Now I could see why he was stressed, leading two lives one with me and one with his lady friend, how old was she? Not more than twenty at a quick guess.  As I sat there waiting to board plane, every reason bombarded me that I had made a mistake, Larry was not cheating on me, he wouldn’t, would he? If so, was this the first time? Or was I the stupid one.  Recently a friend had enquired casually in conversation, did I still admire other men, I was shocked. She just about fell off her chair laughing calling me naïve “oh come on, everyone I know has had a little flirt now and again. I’ve seen Larry’s eye roam when a good-looking female walks into the room”.                   

I have never left a coffee catch up so quickly, tears had stung the back of my eyes as I said my goodbyes, we had not met again thank goodness, it was bad enough missing him like I did, without her putting ideas in my head. Now I was thinking was this a subtle warning?

My phone beeped for the fourth time, I had ignored the first three calls, it was Larry, ‘what the F*** do you think you are doing, are you alright? Not having one of our breakdowns, are we?  Where are you going? Who are you with? The questions coming thick and fast. I had to breathe deeply to  him, as all I wanted to do was to turn it off. “Larry, I booked us a trip to Bali to celebrate your Sixtieth birthday, your reaction to my greeting you at the airport was not what I expected, nor was the young lady you were flirting with” there I had said it, I got even bolder, “ If you’re having an affair Larry, then so can I”. Then I switched the phone off and threw it into my handbag. Stuff it and him. I looked up to see another woman quietly clapping in my direction  she smiled and mouthed “Bravo” I could feel myself blushing as this was not me, not me  at all, I was the one who fixed broken fences not the one who broke them.

The boarding for flight BQ 560 was called, panic stepped in, I wanted to run home as fast as I could, to be safe with Larry even though he was a loudmouth and grumpy, I had built a life with him. The woman who had applauded me earlier now stood beside me saying , ‘it’s time to board, my name is Roz she held out her well-manicured hand to shake mine, I introduced myself as ‘Gillian, my friends call me Gilly”.  Roz stood into the first-class que, she was through in minutes, I waited with many others till my section was called, found my seat put my small on-board bag in the overhead locker, and tried to relax, whatever happened now, it was up to the gods.  The flight to Bali is three hours from Perth,  time to relax, I wished I could I had never ever acted like this, I was dependable Gilly, the one to turn to. I grabbed both of our bags of the carousel  found the taxi rank and waited for a cab. I found the smell of Bali was exotic, closing my eyes I took in a huge lungful of the tepid air, it smelt like brown rice, how odd. My head had begun to throb, I knew the signs of a migraine, I had no water with me to swallow a painkiller, fingers crossed I would get to the hotel before it laid me up, which they normally did.

One taxi swooped in beside me, Roz’s voice calling out “ hop in we can share the cab” came from the dark cool interior. I was so grateful. The driver putting my bags in the boot,  “where to? asked Roz” I showed her the brochure of the hotel, I was so close to throwing up. Her eyes searched my face, then she spoke to the taxi driver giving him the address. “you’re not well? She queried  I admitted to a migraine. “oh their horrid things I used to get them, lets get you into your room and a hot cup of Bali ginger tea, works a treat. Roz was my angel that day, my first day in Bali, the ginger tea did work a treat, so did some painkillers, Roz stayed with me till I could sit up without feeling dizzy. “I would say, this has been bought on by your hurried departure” I knew exactly what she meant, ending up telling her about Larry. “he sounds like a right bore, you need to have some fun, and I’m going to make sure you do”.

From that day on, Roz would arrive early morning, we would breakfast, swim,  go out, tour, eat. It was absolute heaven, we had our hair braided on the beach, and our toenails painted glossy bright red, at night we would look for local entertainment, visiting a Bali Opera, a Balinese flower ceremony, touring on the Sanur party boat. Roz found a club that had a lady’s night only I did not want to go, she asked what harm is there, we are helping the economy”.     What the hell, I’m on holiday so why not. And yes, I am naïve about this world of different shades of sexuality. Well let’s say I was, I learnt more in that night than I ever knew, we toured a Zoo, watching an exotic show on the founding of Europeans in Bali. 

Every morning I woke bright and happy looking forward to my day of adventure sometimes with Roz or if she was busy then I would wander off by myself, I tried all sorts of massages foot, hand, head, back, I adored my foot massage and the young lady Maddy, taught me some trigger points to rub for migraines. I shopped till I dropped, I loved the clothing and jewelry, There was no opinions or outbursts of temper, I reveled in it. Till on my last full day when I used my card for a purchase, and it was declined, I tried with another card that was also declined. My day was suddenly in chaos, I knew I had the money so why was my card declined?  Roz and I had agreed to meeting up in the afternoon at our favorite café, so i had enough time to walk back to my bungalow and ring both banks in Perth, the first one saying ‘I’m sorry madam  saying the account has been closed” the second bank repeating the first. Only one thing to do ring Larry, I was fuming, ‘how dare you close our accounts leaving me with no money. His reply “it was your choice, when you stop behaving like a princess and your home, then we can sort it out”. Slip up three, I had no plans to have my own cash and no other bank account,  I was stuck.  I met Roz in such a state “ once I told her what had happened, she simply said “your Larry’s not a nice person is he”.   Roz once again to the rescue loaning me a hundred  Australian dollars to see me through. I promised her I would pay her back, once I was home.

The day before I was to leave Roz shouted me a moonlight cruise on the Mermaid a  beautiful ketch, as we sailed on the moonlit waters of the Indian ocean, I felt incredibly sad. The adult in me saying you have a house, home a life and a husband waiting for you, the child saying stay, don’t leave, not yet go and explore who you are, stay.

 Roz was witness to all the emotions crossing my face , she leaned over and took my hand. ‘Gilly I can’t tell you what to do, if it’s of any help I don’t want you to go back either, spend the night with me, we can go to the airport from my place. I nodded, I did not want to go back to an empty room,  we packed up my belongings, and I stayed the night with Roz.

 Did I go home? There was no need to, for now I was happy with Roz who had opened her arms, heart, home, and life to me. This was no slip up, this was an adventure of learning exactly who Gilly was.