The Bride in the Mirror

She opens the photo album and looks at her wedding photos.  She is drawn to one photo showing a whimsical bride looking wide eyed and excitedly into the mirror.  It is her wedding day, a day she had looked forward to for so many years.  Every little girl dreams of meeting her “prince charming” and riding off into the sunset to live in wedded bliss.  Although this does not happen for all brides, it did happen for her.

She has been married for nearly fifty years, and she looks in the mirror, wondering where the years have gone.  How did she happen to now be nearly seventy years old, where did those last fifty years go?

“Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who is the bravest of them all”.

She never used to be scared, but the last few years seem to have taken their toll on her stress levels, she seems to fear so many things now, it must be part of getting old. 

She drives her little car to and from the shops, at the speed it says on the signs, however there is always someone who wants her to go faster, speed up, and before long, she hears the beeping of their horn, and the screaming of abuse as they pass her, scolding her for driving too slow.  It unsettles her, she fears that person will turn around and follow her, or know where she lives and torment her even more.   She does not like to drive much anymore, but it is a necessity, as her husband is disabled, and she needs to be the strong one in the family.

She has two beautiful children, and now five grandchildren.  She remembers the day she bought home her first child, a daughter; there was no fear, maybe a little apprehension, but definitely no fear.  When her second child was born, a son, she was now well used to babies crying for no reason, and delighted in the cuddles and laughter of now having two little cherubs to care for. 

Her children grew up and they too became parents, and she and her husband were keen to be hands-on grandparents.  There new grandson was only a few weeks old when they were called upon to care for this little infant.  No worries, they thought, we have been through this before.  But as soon as the parents left, she started to worry, what if he cried and she could not pacify him, maybe she would put the pins from the nappy directly into his little body…oh no, what would she do. 

They were careful not to do all those things, and eventually he went to sleep, contently in his bassinette, but now, it was the “checking” of him every five minutes to ensure he was still breathing, or had not turned over on his stomach and suffocated.  Of course none of these things happened, but still the fear was real, and she was happy when the parents drove up the driveway, able now to breathe a sigh of relief and hand over this little bundle to his parents.

This fear never really left her, and to this day, now an old hand at babysitting all five of her grandchildren, she still feels the “fear” as they drive away, and such relief when they return.  She wonders why – and guesses it is because these are not her children, and she is only a part time carer of someone else’s child. 

She now worries constantly when driving whether someone is going to yell abuse at her for driving too slow, or when she takes her puppy for a walk, what if another dog comes their way and attacks them.  She tries to meditate to rid herself of these fears, and sometimes it works, sometimes it does not. 

She looks in the mirror and says the words “Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who is the bravest of them all”, and then says in a loud brave voice - “I AM!!”

“Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who is the kindest of them all”.

She again looks at photograph of the bride looking in the mirror.  This person has a kind face, and is polite, considerate, affectionate, understanding, loving and forgiving, looking at life with the perspective of “what will be will be”. 

In life, she knows that not all people are kind, compassionate or caring, they only think of themselves and what life owes them.  She knows she is not one of those people, always supported the underdog, always seeing the good in people, and hoping they see the same in her. 

She grew up on a dairy farm, and is grateful she has inherited her parents’ perspective on life.  They lived a very ordered life, as only farmers can, the structure of life on the land leads to a calming experience, and she is glad she was raised with these values. 

As the years went on, she married a man who too came from parents who would rather give then take, her husband tells the stories of his dad, a plumber, quite often doing work for the “little old ladies” of the town, who could not afford to pay his bill, but were grateful they had someone mend their taps with payment of a “cuppa and a chat”.

When they both retired, they decided to volunteer with Meals on Wheels.  They soon found there were so many others worse off than themselves, waiting eagerly for the time when they hear the knock on the door, and the volunteer calling out “Meals on Wheels”.  On opening the door, they were keen to have a chat with the deliverer of their food. 

Some of these people have dementia, or perhaps a stroke has left them with limited capabilities to look after themselves.  Others are maybe just too old to care for themselves, and having no family to care for them, they are grateful someone is there to bring them their meals and hopefully brighten up their day with a cherry “hello, how are you feeling today”.  That one sentence is sometimes the only time they actually speak to another human being all day. 

She looks in the mirror, and says the words “Mirror, Mirror, on the wall who is the kindest of them all”, and contently says, “I AM!!”

“Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all”.

This sentence is, of course, the classic saying that came from that wonderful childhood story, Brothers Grimm fairy tale Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. 

She is not quite sure of what the word “fairest” actually means, but thinking it has something to do with being beautiful.  As she looks at the bride in the mirror, she does see a beautiful bride, pristine white gown, veil securely pinned on her curled hair, with a generous smile saying to the world, “at last, I am to marry the man of my dreams and live happily ever after”. 

And yes, her husband is forever telling her she is definitely the prettiest girl in the room, and always has eyes only for her.  So, to her, that is enough.  Whether she is the “fairest of them all” does not really matter, to her husband and her family, they only see someone who they love more than ever.

She looks in the mirror, and says the words “Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all”, and happily says, “I AM!!”

“Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who is the happiest of them all”.

Again she looks at the photo of the bride in the mirror.  She sees herself as she was fifty years ago, and knows the woman in the mirror is indeed her; however as she looks in the mirror now, this version of herself is older, a little jaded, tired, and sometimes stressed.  This is understandable as so much as happened to her in the last fifty years. 

She married, raised two children, weathered the good and bad times of their marriage, looked after her grandchildren when they needed her, and is now a full time carer for her disabled husband.  If she only knew on that day she looked whimsically into the mirror what her future would have been like, would she have continued on down the aisle to marry. 

She knows the answer would have been yes, the future is what you make of it.  Her husband, children, and grandchildren are her lifeline to her sanity, she would definitely not change a moment in what has been a wonderful life.