The Promise
They stood facing each other, their eyes interlocked, in the coolness of the church, as the minister said the words which were to resound in their memories for nearly fifty years, their promises to each other.
“Now you shall say a few words that take you across a threshold of life, and things will never quite be the same between you. For after these vows, you shall say to the world, this is my husband, this is my wife”
They then recited the words generations of couples have exchanged on their wedding day.
“To have and to hold, from this day forth, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, for as long as we both shall live“.
Her parents had recited those promises, when they were wed nearly eighty years ago. They had lived those words, dealing with the sadness of the death of their two little girls, as well as happiness of life, raising a family and seeing them blossom into responsible adults. And now it was her turn to find that same happiness.
She clearly remembers the night her life changed forever. She had spent the afternoon crimping her hair, choosing the perfect dress to wear, having a long and leisurely bath, and pampering herself in preparation for the night ahead. This was a ritual for her, as one night soon, she knew, she would walk through the door of the local hall for the weekly dance, and hopefully meet the man of her dreams.
The room was full of girls with their immaculately coffered hair and makeup meticulously applied, some knew they were the prettiest ones there, and were scanning the room, making sure they were seen by the most handsome boys. Others, no matter how hard they tried, were doomed to be the “wallflowers”, left there to wonder if anyone would ask them to dance, and maybe be their “man of their dreams”.
She believed in karma, what will be, will be. If her intended lifelong partner was at that dance tonight, she would meet him, and, in her dreams, ride off into the sunset, ensuring true happiness forever.
A lanky red-haired chap sauntered up to her, asking her to dance. She smiled shyly, and took his hand. That one dance lasted their entire lives, as it was pretty obvious at that moment that they were meant to be together. Don’t ask why this happens like it does, but from that moment on, they were a twosome. People talk about falling in love, with lots of stars spinning around them, so they are positive they are “in love”. For them, it was not like that; they just clicked from the start, knew where we wanted to be back then and in fifty or sixty years’ time, and had no hesitation in going forward from that moment.
The engagement was held in September, with the wedding in March the following year. It was a busy few months, the rings had to be chosen and purchased, and a home ready to live in, all before the day they too would make those promises that her parents had make many years ago. They were giddy times, filling her “glory box”, with all the things a newly married couple may need. She was to wear her mother’s wedding dress, and such an honour it would be to walk down the aisle on the arm of her father in the gown her mother had worn as she had walked down that same aisle.
The wedding day had arrived; she floated down the aisle, to the oohs and aahs of the invited guests, her calmness and serenity shown on her face, ready to join the love of her life, who had eyes only for her.
It came time for their promises to be made to each other. They had practiced those vows, so knew them off by heart, she had dreamt of saying them so many times, and here they were, today, their wedding day, making the promises that would be the most important of their lives, “to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish for as long as we both shall live”.
They were so very young, in their early twenties, and intended to live their lives as if there was no tomorrow, enjoying every moment of it. In their minds, there would be no “worse or poorer” times, and sickness never entered their thoughts. However, they knew the promise of “to love and to cherish” would be easy an easy promise to keep, and they would honour that promise all the days of their lives.
It was not long till she fell pregnant with their first child. The knitting needles were flying making little bonnets and booties, and the second hand cot had been bought, all ready for their little treasure to come forth. They were happy and content in their little house, their “little piece of heaven”, and life could not get any better.
But changes had occurred, and he was transferred to the “big smoke”, as they called it those days. Fearlessly, and she being eight months pregnant, they packed their belongings and baby nursery and travelled onto the next phase of their life , in readiness for the birth of their daughter. Life seemed a little scary in those early days as a new mother, without any family around her. She survived those days of fear, and settled down enjoying her new life. Their son was born two years later, and their family was complete.
Fast forward a few years, and the decision was made to purchase a shop in a small town, rather than move yet again to a larger city further away from their family.
Their business was booming, for a while, and then the shopping centres in neighbouring towns enticed the country folk to shop with them. Their shop could not sustain the loss of customers and so had to close. The words “for better, for worse, for richer or poorer”, recited in their vows on their wedding day, now echoed in their ears. These were the promises they made on their wedding day, and their love would see them through this heartbreaking time.
They both found employment and struggled through those painful times to again own their own home, their “little piece of heaven”, and live life as they had planned when they spoke those promise to each other twenty years ago. Their children married, the grandchildren came along, and they had regained all they had lost.
Fast forward another twenty years, their children and grandchildren were the light of their lives. Thoughts of relaxed retirement in a couple of years were uppermost on their minds.
However, life throws many curveballs, and the memory of that promise “in sickness and in health” was now rearing its ugly head.
Health problems seemed to be afflicting her husband of forty years; he was plagued by constant vertigo attacks. Life was a constant battle and she prayed that one day his whirling life would stop, and their life would be “normal” again. No amount of prayers could change the course he was on and his “spinning in circles” life continued, a blight on their perfect life.
It seems that this was a forerunner to the diagnosis of Parkinson Disease. There were now three people in their marriage, she, her husband, and the disease, as it took over their lives, every waking moment of it, dramatically changing their lives.
When they stood in that church many years ago, reciting those marriage vows they truly believed in, “in sickness and in health” were not just words, they were the promises they would honour forever.
It has not been an easy few years for her; she has become his carer, making sure he does not fall or trip over his own feet. He cannot put shoes and socks on as he cannot bend that far, his back is like the “Hunchback of Notre Dame”. He finds it too painful to stand up straight; his excuse is that he needs to see the ground to walk.
She can understand this, as to add to his woes, he is almost blind, courtesy of an accident when he was ten years old. The damage was done and after many operations, it was found the injured eye was terminal, now closed permanently, which seemed to make life a little easier for him. The other eye, taking all the toll of seeing, has now decided it has had enough too, and has decided to have a semi-permanent rest. So yes, maybe he is bent over trying to see the ground. His life has taken a twist and turn, and he is now permanently living life in this hunched over position. It does not seem to worry him, as he says, that is life.
They have been married for forty-seven years, and have weathered the good and bad times of their marriage. She remembers her wedding day when they both promised “for better for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, for as long as we both shall live”. These are the promises that many couples make on their wedding day, but for many, they are just words that are said during the ceremony to legalise their union.
They both realised very early in their marriage, that it is really hard work, and they have felt more pain than they ever knew was possible, and more deep joy that they ever realised existed.
The promises they made on their wedding day, and the love they share today is testament to the fact that honouring their wedding vows made them grow stronger as they go through life together. Their marriage has truly been blessed, with the realization of the meaning of that beautiful promise “to have and to hold”.